Anger is a natural emotion, but many of us have been punished or shamed for being angry.
When we feel anger it’s because:
1. A boundary is being violated
2. A core wound from our past is coming up
This is why it’s important to not repress or try to stop feeling anger because it has something to teach us.
Anger helps us navigate life in healthy ways.
When we don’t know how to cope with our anger, we react to it.
This means we either externalize or internalize our anger.
Externalizing anger looks like: lashing out, slamming doors or fists, shaming someone, cursing someone out, sending an angry text.
Internalizing anger looks like: substance use, shutting down, self harm, and self shaming.
HOW TO DEAL WITH ANGER IN HEALTHY WAYS:
1. Allow it: “I’m feeling angry right now.” Be with it.
2. Identify the sensations in the body: notice the way your breathing, the tightness in your chest, or your racing heart.
3. Slow your breathing: take deep, slow breaths from your belly. This will signal to your autonomic nervous system that you have control of the ‘threat’ and the body can self soothe.
4. Allow the ‘irrational’ thoughts: anger can create thoughts of revenge, loathing, or other ‘scary thoughts’ and that’s ok. Don’t judge yourself for them. They’ll shift as your nervous system state does.
5. Become conscious to the shift: ‘red zone’ anger is not a place to make any decisions in or to have conversations in. Notice when you shift so that you can make decisions in that state.
Confidence comes from self trust and we can only develop self trust when we understand how to navigate difficult emotions, rather than letting those difficult emotions drive out behavior.
