Some of us believe other people’s emotions are our responsibility. This creates anxiety, resentment, and shame spirals. Other people’s emotions aren’t our responsibility. Here’s why:
In codependent family systems, we’re conditioned to be responsible for how other people feel. Many of us played the role of “therapist” to a parent figure or internalized the belief that we had to make then feel better from a young age.
Because this is our “normal” we continue the pattern into our adult lives. Always focusing on how other people are feeling, how they perceive us, and if they might be mad at us.
As we mature and heal from these dynamics, it’s important to understand our adult emotional responsibility.
Our Adult Emotional Responsibility:
1. I am responsible for managing my emotional responses. Including when I feel disappointed or upset.
2. I am not responsible for walking on eggshells, hiding parts of my truth, or denying my reality because another adult cannot regulate their own emotions.
3. I’m responsible for speaking in ways that are clear and also kind. I do not shame or use insults as a way to communicate my perspective.
4. I am not responsible for people’s expectations of me that they never communicated to me.
5. When adults are disappointed with me, I can accept this as a natural part of life. I am not responsible for going into fixer or rescuer mode as I did as a child.
6. If people have a problem or issue, they will communicate this, directly. I’m not responsible for pulling things out of people, or guessing.
7. My emotions matter. I do not need to betray myself to appear “easy” or “good.” I’m responsible for speaking up for myself and being authentic.
As we heal, and reclaim emotional responsibility we are learning self respect.