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There are 6 stages everyone goes through as they establish a secure, healthy relationship

Dr. Nicole LePera@Theholisticpsyc

There are 6 stages everyone goes through as they establish a secure, healthy relationship. If you’re in one of these stages, you’re on the right path, and probably don’t know it. Which stage are you in:

Many of us have relational trauma. We’ve been hurt, betrayed, emotionally neglected, sometimes at very vulnerable times in our lives.

Our body remembers these experiences, and we can live with a fear of abandonment. That little voice in our head (our ego) says someone’s going to leave us, that we’re unloveable, or that we can’t trust anyone. This is self protection.

A secure relationship is a relationship where there’s: – mutual trust – predictable behavior (follow through on our word) – emotional intimacy – ability to repair (come together after conflict) – positive regard (or a knowing you’re on the same team)

Because most of us have a history of insecure relationships, it takes inner work to create a secure relationship with someone. It’s powerful work that can allow us to heal from our past and end generational trauma cycles.

6 Stages of Creating Secure Relationships: 1. Doubt: doubt is the natural first stage of moving to a secure relationship. Doubt is part of discernment and shows that we’re putting more effort into who we go into partnership.

2. Grief: even when we meet someone we deeply love, there can be a grieving process. We’re losing our independence and (sometimes) letting to of the fantasy person we believed existed.

3. Power struggles: at different periods our abandonment wounds might come up. This creates: pushing someone away (even when we want them close), shutting down, rebellious behavior, or relationship sabotage.

4. Boredom: this stage is most prominent in those raised in chaos, unpredictability, or unstable home environments. We can confuse predictable, steady love with a lack of excitement or “passion.”

5. Acceptance: our nervous system is healing and adapting to a person we can depend on. We’re learning to navigate life together rather than as an individual and facing challenges together, recognizing the benefits of sharing life with someone.

6. Security: deep feelings of mutual trust, appreciation, and respect. A healthy dependence and bond based on mutual evolution and freedom.

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